A Proposal Not In Earnest (03 min read)

Via: Daily Prompt – Aware

“So… there have been talks at home.”

“Talks?”

Sigh. “Yeah. Pressured talks, actually.”

“What’s wrong now?”

“I think we may have to get married.”

Startled laugh. “What? Married?”

Nod. Earnest look. “Yup. This year. Santa’s coming to town.”

“And this is his idea of a gift?” 

“Tell me about it. Ever since he moved overseas, everything at home has to be done according to his schedule.”

“Everything had to be done according to his schedule even before.”

Discomfort. “Well, it’s just the way it is. He’s always been the apple of everyone’s eyes.”

“And you? The scapegoat disguised as the black sheep?”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

Anger. “You wish I wouldn’t what? You wish I wouldn’t point out the tragedy of your family? You wish I wouldn’t be angry how your brother’s hopes and dreams always take precedence to yours? How it has made you the way you are that you are never comfortable making decisions? That because of this I always have to take the risk and responsibility of decision-making in our relationship?”

Groan.

“You know, the only decision you ever fully stated in our 12-year relationship is that you don’t want to get married. And I have been spending the last decade adjusting myself to that rejection. And now this?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Tell me what you want, damn you! For once, just tell me what you want!”

“What do you want to do?”

Tears of frustration. “You know, our entire relationship has been so tilted. I’m never aware if you say what you say is because it’s what you want or because it’s easier to go along with what I’m saying. You always allowed your brother to lead in your family and you do the same to me. It’s so unfair because I never wanted to replicate his role. I wanted to be the girl who set you free from that absurd sense of obligation. Do you realize how exhausting it is to analyze every decision on behalf of both of us?”

“Baby, don’t cry.”

“Don’t touch me.”

Steps back.

Stares. “That’s it? You didn’t even fight me to take me in your arms?”

“I’m sorry.”

Deep breath. “Yeah, I know you are. I know you’re sorry because you can’t help it.” Pause. “Did you ever want to get married? Even secretly?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me the truth. There. That’s a direct order. I’m sure you can now handle it.”

“I’m not sure if I ever did or not. Maybe.”

“Maybe? Well. That’s something.”

Hesitation. “I-I would like to know if you ever did.”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“Remind me.”

“I never wanted to get married. Except there was a time when I wanted to marry you. I still do. At least some part of me does. Some part of me wants to enjoy that domesticity with you.”

Relief. “Then it should be fine.”

Stiffens. “No, it won’t be. Because while I never wanted to be married, to begin with, being with you changed that feeling. But I learned that I was fated to my independence after all. And now that I have finally unlearned the desire to be married to you after years of self-reconciliation, now that I have spent years to accumulate all the necessities and perspective to enjoy that freedom, I am supposed to switch back because it fits in with your brother’s traveling itinerary?”

“So do you want to get married or no?”

Pause. Reflect. “You know, I just realized that every girl wants a proposal. Even a die-hard practical girl like me, when she does decide she met the man she wants to be with for the rest of her life even though she spent half her life running away from him. This is not what I imagined. That when I wished it, you did not. But now because your family wishes it, you feel the need to. That won’t be a good beginning for our married life, will it? I don’t want to be officially initiated into your family resenting your family.”

“So it’s just my proposal?”

“No.”

Nervousness. “What are you saying then?”

Resignation. “I’m saying I am finally freely taking advantage of the role of decision-maker that you have relegated me to. I’m saying I will not marry you until it becomes a decision that YOU make – wholeheartedly, consciously and irrevocably. Until then we can just go on being the way we are, in love, happy simply to be in each other’s company.”

“What if I told you I do want to marry you?”

“Nope. I’m not buying it. Not this year.”

 

THE END

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