Posts Tagged fear of failure
Via: Daily Prompt – Inkling
Remember this moment in cinema?I recently had a moment like this. Not that it suddenly dawned on me that I have been unwittingly in love with a person who has always been in my life. It was something much more worrisome.
I was discussing the love of Mr. Darcy with a former work associate when I found myself mentally sneering, “Yeah, everyone wants to be Elizabeth Bennet and find their own Mr. Darcy. What they don’t realize is that they are all Marianne Dashwood chasing after Willoughby.” Then I further added to myself, “Lately, it’s been an endless parade of Lydia Bennets complaining about how they have been completely had by Wickham. Well, what can I expect from a Millennial*?”
And then I became wholly ashamed of my less than charitable feelings towards others. Here was a young woman who has always looked up to me for advice like one does a sister and I was abusing her for her romantic aspirations instead of encouraging her to develop the kind of consistency shown by Austen’s heroines. Even the mild-mannered Jane Bennet would be disappointed in me. Shouldn’t the fact that the younger generation is once again picking up authors like Austen be a source of hope? So I proceeded to correct my stance and discuss with my friend all the reasons why the Elizabeth-Darcy relationship prospered.
Later that day, I was thinking about why everyone loved Mr. Darcy so much; why I loved him, actually. And I came up with the following list of traits:And also:
At heart, he is a noble beast though his pride hides it well
He does not love universally but when he loves, he is ardent and steadfast
He has difficulty delegating and whatever is to be done must be done by him so obviously very capable
He feels deeply, reflects greatly, and holds his own opinions at the highest esteem
He is honest and has no need to deny his feelings or actions
Though he is ill at ease in a crowd or among strangers, he feels no compunction in speaking his mind
He makes short order of assessing people and situations nor does he forgive easily when they fall short of his expectations
He has a superiority complex but only because his mind is so improved
His speech is eloquent, his manners are without art
His actions are made with conviction and confidence
He knows how to handle information with discretion, he approaches life with consistent gravitas
As I added more and more attributes to the list, I became struck by my own reality…
OH MY GOD! I AM MR. DARCY!
[Someone needs to write a fanfiction with that title, by the way]
Apart from the tall, dark, and sexy man thing, of course. But does this mean that all these years I have been in love with myself? Who would’ve thought? If so, how narcissistic is that? The more I mulled it over, the more convinced I became that I might be a borderline egomaniac in my appreciation of the characteristics attributed to Mr. Darcy. If I am ever dissatisfied with myself, I can will away whatever unease I feel with the self-possessed knowledge that should I apply myself to the task at hand, I will succeed.
In fact, the only thing I have truly ever feared in my life is failing to become a revered author. It is the one place where I am not absolutely convinced that were I to practice and push, I would become a best-selling novelist. No matter how much effort I put into the craft or to the purpose of building my author platform, it may all still come to naught. Writing keeps me grounded. It probably even prevents me from using means of manipulation and coercion on others to create little replicas of my personality.
WHEW! Close call, huh?
*Dear Millennial, I don’t really think I’m superior to you. Any harsh feelings I may harbor towards you probably stems from a jealous resentment that you have greater social stamina and enthusiasm for life than I do – and so, the fault is actually mine. With all candor, I actually admire your pluck and ability to discover adventure and entertainment in every task that you set yourself to. XOXO
Back to the topic at hand, why do you love Mr. Darcy?
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